


Inordinatum

by ElyBun



Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Grief, Major Story Spoilers, Post Game, Post canon, True Ending, sex mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2020-11-28 22:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20973788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElyBun/pseuds/ElyBun
Summary: It was supposed to be you.The tender caress of her fingers on your cheek. Those final moments together, sealed with a kiss. A new future.She gave her everything for you.It was supposed to be you.





	1. Luctus

"It should have been me."

Yakumo's expression drops, worry evident in his eyes. You can tell he wants to speak out, say something rash, whatever comes to his mind, but there’s a conflict behind his gaze. He’s pondering his thoughts before speaking up, "Hey, come on... Io took the relics on **for** you. She was made from the Queen, after all - she made the perfect vessel-"

"It was _ SUPPOSED _ TO BE _ ME! _"

You can't help your voice raising, anger flaring in a doomed attempt to drown out the sorrow that has dug its claws into your heart. Yakumo merely stares at you, in his eyes, hurt - hurt for you. He cares about you, it’s not right to take your anger at yourself out on him, you realize, and you choke back a pained sob. "It... it was supposed to be _ me _ . Io isn’t just - she wasn’t just a _ vessel _, something from the Queen. She’s… she was her own person. She deserved a chance at life, a future..."

"And you don't?" 

One hand has found its way to your shoulder, and Louis takes a seat next to you on the couch. Mia is just behind him, and she takes the seat opposite you. 

“I don’t have memories from before. I had nothing to lose… except her.”

“Well, you have us. And now you have a chance to make new memories. Io made sure of that.” Mia is right, but it isn’t what you want to hear. You don’t know what you want to hear. 

"I just... I wanted her to have a choice."

"This _ was _ her choice."

You shake your head, dropping your forehead into your palm. It wasn’t her choice. You’re sure of it. "It's my fault. Yesterday, when we came back here to recuperate, and I wanted to be by myself... she came by and talked to me. I told her I didn't want to do it, that I was scared..."

That conversation has been playing on a loop in your head. Her soft voice, a bastion of comfort and hope in the bleak prospect of your future on the throne. The lightest touch, reaffirming, supporting, turned into a warm embrace, into her lips on yours, skin against skin. You remember her head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, tangled in each other's arms, passion blossoming from a love long unspoken. 

You remember how she lay on your chest after, one hand clenched in yours, the other tracing patterns and hearts into your skin. 

"If you had another choice... would you take it?"

You weren't sure where her words came from. Perhaps from her conversation with the other attendants, perhaps from her experiences becoming her own person, not Io the Attendant, but Io, the wind at your side, the fire in your heart, _ your Io _.

And now, she was gone, only a memory now. You didn’t even get her cloak, anything to remember her by, aside from that one amber bead and her pendant. You know it’s a gift, _ her _ gift, but you can’t stand to look at it - it feels like a curse, a reminder of your own shortcomings, your fear, your _ failure _. 

“We know it hurts, and we aren’t telling you to get over it. It’s okay to grieve, you know.” Louis’ hand squeezes your shoulder, and you have to stop yourself from pushing it away. “Friends look out for each other. Just like Io looked out for you.”

Your eyes begin to sting. Your friends are right, but you won’t accept this. You can’t. Deep down, you secretly hope this is just a dream, brought on by an eternal sleep on the throne, your body, your _ relic _ being used to hold the Red Mist in place. But no matter how you pinch yourself, how your mind aches and tries to convince otherwise, you know that she’s gone. 

You’ll never see her again. You’ll never hear her voice again, never see her smile, that smile that made you feel like you were _ truly _ alive. Io’s touch - this girl, who’d been there from the moment you awoke, your fates tied together by the red string of fate you’d previously thought unseverable, this girl who’s changed your _ life. _ You would not _ be _ where you are without Io.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts the most - two pieces of a greater whole, one without the other could never have achieved what the two of you did together. If Io had not been with you, you would never have found your place, your memories, anything. 

Your friends are all around you, but for the first time you can remember, you are alone.


	2. Solis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Elysia Nhirada, and Yakumo is your best friend. He's been there for you since you first met Louis, since your first foray into work as a team. 
> 
> He knows you better than you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Affirming the protagonists name and gender helps me get a better feel and develop a personality, so meet Elysia Nhirada. She has a more intricate history that will be explored later on, but for now, enjoy having a name.

"Really? After all you've done for us already, still you do more?"

The self important revenant looks at you in awe. In your arms, you hold a large sack of blood beads, nearly filled to the brim. You picked them yourself of course - after how exhausted you've been and how you broke down that day, Yakumo wouldn't let you fight.

But he let you pick these beads, and for now that's enough. It temporarily sates your need to help others, much like the blood in each bead sates your thirst. 

"There's a new source of beads. There won't ever be a shortage again."

Yakumo raises his brow at you, but you keep your neutral demeanor. The revenant in front of you hesitates as he reaches out, so you hold the bag further out, closer to him.

"You're sure?"

"Do you want her to take them back? Because we can take them back-"

You immediately turn your head and give Yakumo the angriest glare you can muster, and he gets the message. 

Not the time.

"No, I… we appreciate this so much. Someday, I'll find a way to repay you for all you've done. I swear."

"No need. Knowing I could help is enough."

He's insistent not to let you go without a reward, without something, so in the end you walk away with a new bayonet - a nice one, too. You wish you had more time to inspect it before Yakumo confiscated it. 

"You're lucky I'm even letting you come with me-"

"You think you would go to see _ Louis_ without me? Really?"

Your retort leaves Yakumo without a response, and there's a smug feeling in your chest. "Besides… I don't want to just sit at home alone. That's not rest, or relaxing for me. Just anxiety."

And an aching loneliness - they removed her bed from the main room, yet it doesn't help. Without her, your home is less home, just emptiness and memories that chain your heart down. 

"If you say so. But I'm still cutting the path - you just stay behind me and support if you can."

"Isn't that how it's always been? I shoot 'em, you loot em?"

He laughs, and your smile returns as you give a playful nudge to his arm. But soon, he stops, and turns to you, arms folded.

"Everything alright?"

You remember yourself posing the same question, but shove that memory aside before it can take root. "Yes, is there a problem?"

"You're never this _ talkative _. Ever since, you know… the Weeping Tree, you've been livelier, more outgoing and talkative. Well, aside from that day - but that's not the point."

You can't help but wince at the mention of Io's fate, more memories you store away under lock and key lest they take hold of your mind once more. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, not by itself, but…" Yakumo sighs, his palm against his forehead as he shakes his head and looks down. "It's only been two weeks, and I know you. Ely, you're just pushing yourself so you don't have to grieve, aren't you?"

His bright eyes are locked with yours, and for once you aren't sure how to respond. You simply stand in silence as you contemplate his question. He's not wrong, really - if you can be more outgoing, force yourself, pretend to be happy, then you're sure it'll come naturally again at some point. A vague memory of a similar principle is what tells you that, but it feels solid enough to be true. 

You find your words after a moment of thought. "Grief won't help now. We have to rebuild and fix this system, and falling to despair will only slow me down - and the Lost won't wait to swell their ranks."

The resulting frown and disappointed _ sigh _ makes you feel guilty, but it's the truth. Truthfully, for the first few days you wanted nothing more than to lock yourself away - _ it should have been me _, the thought consumed you, clawed away at your defenses until your guilt and doubt could eat at your very soul. 

But you know. "She would want me to keep my head high."

That answer seems to please your friend more than the previous, though you can tell he's still worried for you. "If you say so, I won't fight you. But…"

The small smile that he shows you is so genuine you can't help but feel its warmth radiating from where you stand. "My shoulder is here, if you need it. Your burdens are heavy, and I'm here to take some of the load off."

You appreciate that more than you can say. 


	3. Sollicitudo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flames hiss and crack as they extinguish, your pack fills with your things and soon enough, you stand at the ready to leave, Yakumo a statue, unmoving, unblinking as he stares at your destination. Only when you shake at his arm does he move, yet no response is given your way as you begin the trek forward. In the pit of your soul, something gnaws away, a premonition that despite everything you’ve done, your struggles are not over. 
> 
> They have only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've been able to write - some issues at home, struggling with university, a lack of drive. finally I've been able to bring out the muse and continue, so expect an update to this and further within the next few weeks.

Pulsing through your fangs, ichor flows into your veins, a familiar taste that widens the jaws of hunger for more, for something real. Ichor Is false, ichor is just a boost, a temporary fix for the bloodlust that drives your heart.

"Watch your back. Slow and easy, all right?"

As flesh tears asunder, an ashen heart bursts forth from its cage, decay overtaking the Lost once more until the empty breeze is all that remains. Yakumo's sword finds its resting place on his shoulder, and a tiger's gaze fixes upon you, looking back towards his defender with a mixed expression.

"Thanks for that, Ely. Sloppy move on my part "

"Distracted?"

"Something like that."

Silence interrupts your conversations, the thump of metal the only distraction as the two of you climb up another exorbitantly long ladder. For all its worth, you could never adjust to them - an unnecessary danger with no safeguard save for an eccentric yet pointless puzzle. 

"Louis is already at the cathedral, right?"

The apex of your climb rewards you with a resting spot, a temporary camp set up for wayward travelers between destinations. Though unnecessary, the fire warms your spirits, as does the onigiri that Yakumo shares with you. A bit bland, but food is still a pleasure more easily enjoyed now - so why not enjoy it?

Silence permeates the air once more, however, and unease bleeds into your veins until your mind can no longer bear it. At the risk of sounding frustrated, your emotions reel back, careful control making sure the mask stays.

"Yakumo?"

That does it - a gentle reminder to tug at the leash, reigning in daydreams in favor of the realm of the unliving. A shake of his head prefaces a muttered apology.

"Sorry, I was just thinking… he should be - he left yesterday, said he would be here waiting."

The same thoughts have been in your head - at least you think they have. Grief and confusion are all that could serve to dull the sharp blade of Yakumo's mind, especially enough to let the Lost get so close behind him. One misstep or oversight, if the fog had reclaimed your mind at that moment, his heart would have been lost - an egregious oversight from the both of you. 

And yet the look he gives you placates your curiosity. The words you speak refuse to match your mind in this situation, however, not that you would impose them on your friend right now.

"Makes sense that he would stay. He said he was very close to Aurora before, and with Karen there too -"

"Yeah. It's a no brainer."

Curt replies that slice at your bond, but you know better than to let them cut the chains holding you together. Whatever holds Yakumo will pass, and the two of you will share a drink on your return tomorrow, and things will be as close to normal as they can. 

And yet the rift still gnaws. It hungers, feeds on your worry and your insecurity. Concern clearly shows, however and Yakumo emits a sigh before rising from his seat. Pushing him will do no good, as you know, baited breath caught as you wait for his next move 

"I'm just concerned about Emily, that's all. Sorry to worry you."

Relief washes the guilt away, and the pit recedes for now. 

"The path splits just a bit before the Cathedral. I can make that on my own, if you would rather-"

"That's not it," cold words cut through your concerns with ease. One arm finds a rest against the cave wall, eyes staring out towards the entrance, towards the Cathedral in the distance. After a moment, his greatsword has found its place in his hand once more, eyes yet trained on your destination. “I want to talk to Louis about it, first. Hopefully, it’s just a hunch.”

Secrets kept are a poor fit for Yakumo, but something tells you to let sleeping dogs lie. As distracted as he was earlier, causing more distress can only make this next leg of your travels more difficult. Yet still, the situation gives you insight towards your companion - surely this is how he felt mere weeks ago, when silence surrounded your every move, a muzzle on your voice and chains dragging your heart into foggy depths. 

“Well then, let’s get moving. He’s waiting for us, after all.” 

Flames hiss and crack as they extinguish, your pack fills with your things and soon enough, you stand at the ready to leave, Yakumo a statue, unmoving, unblinking as he stares at your destination. Only when you shake at his arm does he move, yet no response is given your way as you begin the trek forward. In the pit of your soul, something gnaws away, a premonition that despite everything you’ve done, your struggles are not over. 

They have only just begun.


End file.
